Scream And Gasp for Air


Heart beat

* I wrote this and performed it for a poetry slam, just thought I share it

> I thought about you the other day. I promised myself that I would try to forget you so that I wouldn’t be caught reminiscing about you but it seems that I lied to myself, I have been known to do that, like the time I told myself that I would burn the poem you gave to me but it still sits on my dresser shouting read me, read me and a part of my heart is hoping that it would feed me, feed me but everytime I bite into it I get this rotten taste in my mouth cause I constantly forget that leftover food from 7 months ago is bad for you yet I still can’t seem to empty out the refrigerator that is my heart. So these memories that are way past the expiration date are molding. Infecting my mind with spores that grow into the subconscious tendencies that remind me of you. Creating a cycle that spins me right round to looking at that rotting poem that sits on my dresser shouting read me. Read me and I do thinking that it’ll feed me.
> I’m malnourished, I have eaten so much of that rotting love that it has infected me with a poison. A mind eating disease that breaks down the walls of my conscience, reanimating memories to rise up and walk among my brain again.  Your words have become the resident evil within my body and there isn’t a cure strong enough to keep the zombies at bay. What else can I say?? I’m losing sleep looking mortified, trying to be strong acting fortified but I’m crumbling. I try to protect myself but I have yet to find amor that can protect me from my heart. Cause you see I still love you. I lied when I said I didn’t and I continually lie when I say that I just want use to be friends cause my feelings lie like a swamp and Deep down in this swap of bad feelings and just being friends lies a flower that is my love and it’s germinating, reproducing, growing till my
> love for you fills my emotions and this swamp is beautiful.  It’s a garden that is flourishing and I’m an Adam missing my eve. A heart that no longer is a home, I want to go home again, I want to feel wanted I want to cry I want feel something other then anger, I want to be happy. I want your words to nourish me again.
To give me life cause this feeling of death and decay in my bones is killing me from the inside out, bringing out the worst side of me making it a reality and now everything I use to be is now part of the fiction section of the library, an autobiography of a Superman made human.
Cause I was always human, I still am, I make mistakes and I regret alot I mean nothing, I hope that’s not what I mean to you, a mistake, a regret, nothing important
Cause you’re every bit important to me now than you were the day I fell in love. I thought I stopped but I’m still falling wishing that those jagged rocks in the bottom didn’t cause heart break
I wish I didn’t know what I know
I wish that I didn’t lie awake at night to find your face in the spider webs in my room
That every star in the sky didn’t form Your sign
That your last name didn’t spark my heart to beat only for it to hurt and assault me mid-day
And night, cycles of not eating, convincing myself that you still want me, that you’ll call, shoot me a good morning text calling me baby but it never comes cause that falling star was caught by your sign that charges at me when it sees the red in my veins.

So now I ask, What do I do?
Cause if you ask me all I’ll be able to say is I love you I miss you
so adieu, adieu but please remember me.